A House, a Chicken Coop, & Junebugs

Philosophical Introspection & Contemplation

I was hit hard by the light so bright it burned,
All at once I knew she'd understand,
Boy inside the man,
The boy inside the man

The Boy Inside the Man - Tom Cochrane & Red Rider

When I was in my early 20s, I had a difficult time to find a cause - a purpose. Like most my age, at that time, I didn’t have “The Faith”. I thought … As Henley put it in Invictus:

“I am the master of my destiny: I am the captain of my soul.”

The irony here is, this is the chapter in my life where I was feeling my worst. I was unbelievably anxious, and depressed most of the time. Like most of my peers, I thought the entire purpose and cause in life was linked to what I chose as a career.

The reality is that we are far more than cogs in a machine. This is after all, the fatal error of communist ideology. There is so much more to human life than the work we produce. Blood, Sweat and Tears are a natural part of life, but the measure of human success has very little to do with physical labour.

God, infinitely perfect and blessed in himself, in a plan of sheer goodness freely created man to make him share in his own blessed life. For this reason, at every time and in every place, God draws close to man. He calls man to seek him, to know him, to love him with all his strength. He calls together all men, scattered and divided by sin, into the unity of his family, the Church. To accomplish this, when the fullness of time had come, God sent his Son as Redeemer and Saviour. In his Son and through him, he invites men to become, in the Holy Spirit, his adopted children and thus heirs of his blessed life.

Catechism of the Catholic Church - Paragraph 1.

We were created with this amazing faculty to contemplate the depth, beauty, and majesty of all that is. Behold: The power in the ebb and flow of tides. The beauty that lies in the sun’s rise and setting. The splendour that dwells in the smell of a rose. Everything that is, dwells in a grand symphony. We humans, are not capable of conducting such a delicate masterpiece. Our leadership skills could not even find its way out of a T-Shirt in comparison. But I digress.

Alas! Wayward and lost, I was. I didn’t know these things then. I remember vividly sitting on a couch one evening deep in a form of contemplative prayer (though I did not realize it, nor what or whom I was praying to). I was racking my brain, really thoroughly, … “There has got to be something great, noble and helpful that I can do… To help fellow humans that will not continue to exacerbate my anxiety.”

Side note: At this time in my life, I had made the decision to abandon my aspirations of working in law enforcement - way too stressful.

As I was deep in this strange, self-talk, dialogue out loud, type of prayer… A Junebug came crashing into the window. Well, this crazy moment led me to an immediate epiphany. Hey! Maybe, Dad and these old fellas were on to something. Maybe there is something quite noble in being involved in building houses. I suddenly had thoughts of all these types of programs that endeavour to build shelters and homes for the homeless. - This was a topic that was heavily discussed in my studies; because, poverty and unemployment, are large contributors to criminal tendencies.

I immediately took a resolution right then, to head into “the trades” not knowing the difference between a Robertson from a Phillips screwdriver. Sad, but true. I was a young buck then, in amazing shape, quick to recover. But, in the last few weeks, … I have come to appreciate the saying “blue collar guys have a shelf life”.

We do. I find myself struggling lately with extreme fatigue, excessive pain, beat up hands, and no patience. I have been far from what Ehrmann said in Desiderata circa 1927:

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

Yet, There is part of me, somewhere deep inside, that longed to return to my grass roots Junebug moment, back in March of this year… When a relative asked me to help him by taking on the wiring of a new house on his property… Of course, I obliged without hesitation.

That was then, this is now: I am juggling two jobs. I have very little time for prayer and contemplation; my growing in virtue has gone from first to reverse. Please Lord, grant me patience!

My soul is restless, until it rests in You, Oh Lord.

Confessions - Saint Augustine of Hippo

To make matters worse I have taken custody of the souls of eight little laying hens, in their little (By that I mean a Holiday Inn) chicken coop, in my backyard. To which, I am also running electricity these days. So, truthfully I am juggling three jobs, though the third is an unpaid responsibility kind of gig.

Ah, here is the irony of the moment. I can’t recall a time when I have been more beat down, drained, and falling apart. But The Man who calmed the storm, (Mark 4:39) is here with me. I should be miserable, I should be depressed, I should be suicidal. The boy that was sitting on the couch that watched the Junebug smash into the window would have been.

Yet, I am not. There is an immense sense of satisfaction alive in me. I am not proud of what I am doing. I’m not just happy to “get it over with”. I am not gloating or beaming like Stuart Smalley: “Hey look what I can do”. I am just overwhelmed with a profound and deep content, an inner peace and joy in looking at where I am and what I have become.

“By contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against such things.”

Holy Bible - New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition - Galatians 5:22-23

It might not be the homes for the homeless, I had envisioned. But I am actually doing something with my hands that is providing people and creatures with shelter, warmth, and protection. There is a nobility here; and, I would be lying if I did not admit the water welling in my eyes as I write these words. Even though, (like Old Paul Edgecomb said it best) “sometimes the Green Mile seems so long”… If we turn our hearts to The One who created us… Ah! He can do amazing things with the broken bones, the torn skin, the bruises, bumps, hurts, habits, and hangups. We just need to depend on, and ask Him for everything. Especially to walk with us, as we fight on in the blood, the sweat, and the tears.

When St. Peter confessed that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the living God, Jesus declared to him that this revelation did not come "from flesh and blood", but from "my Father who is in heaven". Faith is a gift of God, a supernatural virtue infused by him. "Before this faith can be exercised, man must have the grace of God to move and assist him; he must have the interior helps of the Holy Spirit, who moves the heart and converts it to God, who opens the eyes of the mind and 'makes it easy for all to accept and believe the truth.'"

Catechism of the Catholic Church - Paragraph 153.